Insignificant Insanity

Emotionally Fucked Over.

2005-02-15T18:00:00.000-08:00

[music] - {they might be giants - spider guitar}

Love is an emotion that can fuck you up big time.

I fall in love to easily. So, Im basically over him. This is because Ive forced myself too. Were still friends, which makes me happy. I can stil have contact with him without him hating me. Right. So, its been over a week. And my eye has already seen someone, two people. For that matter. 3, actually. Wow, 3 people. I feel slighlty whore ish for saying that.

Soo. Happiness, A really good friend of mine is coming to see me! Khrystyne = SO FUCKING HAPPY. I love him, truely I do. I have for a while. He was a major part of the reason I dated AJ, except hes different than AJ, but...better? possibly. Im counting the days. Hes coming around April, no idea when, but if its around the show Ill be dragging him along. He'll love it here, he should move here. Hes troubled in Alberta, he wont be with me. If hes with me, we'll be happy together. Hes an amazing boy, inside and out. He talks to me, hes sweet to me. He knows who he is.

Sooo, recently 3 names have been appearing on my arms again. Puppy crushes, at least I hope. I dont want them to grow into anything more, Im afraid of getting my heart broken...again. So. Boy #1, If i liked him, i would get in a shitload of shit, at least I think I would. Someone would probably hate me, a few people would probably hate me...this might not be a good idea, I've know him for a while. Hes a special boy, hes short and cute. He falls in love too easily. He doesnt like me anyways. Boy #2, What too say, what to say, hes soooooooo sweet to me, Im going to cuddle with him on sunday, were full of like together. Hearts. Boy #3...I cant talk about him, hes already taken.

I think ill wait a while until I make my decision on what to do. its to soon to tell, i want to make sure i deal the right cards.

I think Ill leave right now.

kill me.

2005-02-10T22:24:00.000-08:00

well, im not alright. everything has gone downhill.

3 days ago was the break up. i havent stopped crying. im an emotional fuck, and thats why he broke up with me, i saw him today. i tried not to cry, i couldnt hold it in. i couldnt stop crying, it didnt help that he was all over another girl. fucking. i still love him to death, and i would take him back, i know i shouldnt, but i would, and i will. alot of people were angered, i guess. i feel insecure, and uncomfortable aorund the whole band. i feel "outcasted". i still love him, and i hate my nexus. for i always find myself crying about how hes talking to girls on nexus and not me. i told me he loved me, i guess it was a lie. no one will make me feel like he did. but i guess its over now. maybe it will get better? maybe hell make it better? i doubt it.

someone please kill me, im to afraid to do it myself.

Possibly the Worst Day.

2005-02-05T01:57:00.000-08:00

[music] {they might be giants}

its ok, im alright, everything will be ok, im fine, im alright, im really ok. I truly love you, honestly.

So today could have been the the worst day of my life. It was basically, but if it just went one step more...i could have gone into mental death, yet again.

It started in the morning, when i was awoken by dad yelling at me about the laundry. Nick had basically no clothing, neither did tony. Its my job to do the laundry, I havent been lately. Went to work today, 3 hours. I made 30 dollars, then went to the mall for AJs birthday present. I bought him new beads for his bridge piercing. I called him, told him to come. He came, hitchhiked. I guess I shouldnt worry, he knows what hes doing. I looked at him. He took out his piercing. 10$'s...on a now worthless birthday present. I gave it to kenney, not completely worthless. After a while with Luc and Kenney being there, i felt completly ignored. I probably was acknowledged, I just didnt feel it, womanly feelings? So, then we walked around and I blew up at him...in front of Angie, shit that was dumb. I shouldnt have freaked. I couldnt help it. It happened twice. Then the last time, i came back, told him i loved him, kissed him, then sat outside for 34 minutes waiting for my dad.

so ive fucked up. i have made grotesque of what was once something beautiful. hes not the happiest right now with our relationship. hes amazing, he diserves better than me. better than a mentally confused 13 year old girl. its his birthday sunday, and i want to do something nice for him. Whether or not were going out. He diserves a happy birthday, breaking up will make him unhappy because hell be worried about me. This is what he says anyways. I dont know. The only thing im for sure about is that this boy is the hold world to me. Hes everything. I dont want to lose him. I dont want him to be upset all the time.

Im sorry for being imperection. Im just an empty hole to the world. I still love you though.

im so glad i have people who will help me through whatever pain i have. Jenni, Rayce, Brynn, Caitlyn, Caitlin...i fucking love you chlidren to death.

ive cryed all my make-up away
*love*

2005-01-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

Friday night was amazing. Music was orgasmic; people were hilarious, over all it was an amazing night.

Saturday night was alright. I cried.

Sunday, I was with Brynn. He helps me.

Everything is going wrong. My whole family is broken, everyone. Anyone that’s important to me is basically dying. I don’t know what I'm going to do. I’m struggling; so many things are fucking up. My grandpa, one of the most AMAZING men in the world, is dying. He suffered a brain aneurysm in the summer of 2002; we thought we had almost lost him. We didn’t. Although they couldn’t get the whole thing out of his brain. Recently, he hasn’t been doing well. Word slurred, walking into walls, bad temper. I love that man so much. I was his first grandchild, if he dies, I don’t know what will happen to me. I’ve already lost my grandma, from the other side. She was a phenomenal woman. I’m surprised I took that as calmly as I did at the time. Now even the thought of her makes me cry. Back to the other side of the family: If grandpa dies, my grandma will seriously have a heart attack. Her husband of like, 40-ish years. Someone who she has shared basically her entire life with will die. She won’t know what to do. The winds and snow have recently fucked them over, a willow fell on the power lines and when they tried to put the power back on, all appliances blew up. I have nothing I can do to help them, for I have no money what so ever. All I can give them is my love, but to me that’s not enough. They deserve to have more money than they do. Other things. My moms come down. We had a talk last night. She was saying how she tells everyone how much I mean to her. She told me how much she missed my dad, how much she wished she never did any of the shit she got into. The drugs, the alcohol, the hells angels, everything, she told me she was sorry. Sorry for having to let me be the mother figure to 2 young boys. My bother and my half brother (Tony). My mom has actually become a mother, and I have recently gained respect for her. Looked at her from a different perspective. She’s come back to reality. She’s a person. I’ve been waiting for that talk for 6 years. I’m feeling a lot better, about that anyways. I’m so amazed at how many wonderful people I know. Everyone I can talk to. I NEED to talk to people. I’m so emotionally shut down. I’ve been crying for the last 5 hours straight. I’m worried about people. Mostly my grandpa. I need AJ. I needed him last night. I needed a person that would hold me tight against him, and just talked to me. I needed him. I still need him. I also need to talk to Jenni-Lynn. I’m telling her everything tomorrow, while we skip first blocks. I cant be around people. I KNOW that I’ll start crying, and that I’ll get sympathy from a shit load of people. I HATE sympathy from people other than people who are REALLY important to me. I’m glad those people are there. AJ, Jenni, Caitlyn, Kelsey, Rayce, Brynn. I love them. I can talk to them, they’ll listen. And I need them the most right now. Or else Ill be a hermit and lock myself in my room and not come out for 6 months. And finally when I do, you’ll probably find this 14-year-old girl, with tangled long hair, pale as a ghost with ribs poking through her skin. She will be mal-nutrition, and have scars all over her body. She’ll not know anything, but how to cry.

”Hello, my name is Khrystyne, care to die today?”

* love *

you know someone loves you when they say things like this.

Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
If you had the deadliess most contagous virus in the world.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
i still wouldn't leave your side.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
kinda like a puppy.

or.

Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
*Stands in B* Jenni yells: "KHRYSTYNE MAY MOVE I'M AGAINST IT EVERYONE WHO AGREES SIGN THE POTITION"

HOW I FUCKING LOVE YOU, JENNI-LYNN GREENAWAY. I'D DIE FOR YOU, IF NEEDED....

There is still more to say, but I cant. I’ve cried enough for a million people.

My Recent Realization.

2005-01-19T20:22:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize that I'm nearly dead.
Maybe not physically. You can't see that I'm near mental death, but really, truly I am.
Possibly the only reason I still grasp it is becasue of those few people.
Those few people who when I look at them, I see the world. I see love. I smile again.
Thank you.

I've also recently dicovered this huge amount of loathing I have for myself.
I hate myself, the way I look, the way I act, the way I am. I am truly ugly.
Fuck off, and dont say otherwise. Your lying.

RIP
Khrystyne Nicole Nightingale
April 14th 1991
*insert date here*
Im Gone.

I fell asleep in the shower today. After my realization of my near death.
I put in the plug, so that the water wouldnt go down the drain. I awoke with the water at my bare chest.
I turned off the water and soaked myself. I thought about him, although, thats normal. I remember his arm, the scars. I cannot get that image out of my head, I felt like crying, I still do.

"It takes away the pain" he said.

I wish I could take away his pain, but I dont know if thats what I am to him. Someone who he can come to when in need of some love, and a talking too. I wish I was the drug he went to when he needed it. But, I'm not. I dont know what I'm worth to him. All I know is, hes worth everything to me. I hope I mean the same to him. Im going now.

*love*

Still Counting The Days

2005-01-18T20:32:00.000-08:00

[music] - {stuck in my head; Marcel, Marcel - This Days Red (y'know, AJs fantastic band)}

03 days left. impatient.
10 days left. impatient.
wow im an impatient fucker. if your dumb you wont know what im waiting for. so, ill tell you.
3 days = show + colins birthday (which reminds me about how i must get him his present)
10 days = when i get to go to parksville for 2 days. have a lovely visit with the grandfather, and then sleepover at mikes while re-exploring the town which i used to be a part of. oh, how i miss parksville. so many people hate it, parksville/qualicum area...but i love it. in fact, i hate...DISPISE nanaimo. its so icky here. i love the people, but its just gross here, especially the lakes. *shudders*. ive discovered that again, there are another bundle of things bothering me. a certian girl. one whom im not going to get into a big deal about. anyways. i dont know whats wrong, all i know is that im trying to be a nice person and all some people can do is be little cuntfucks about it. theyre loss, not mine. i hate moody people.
so. family. not my realy family, but im quite happy. within the last month ive met sooo many new people. and ive got this many (4 ) family members.
Leana - my wife
Caitlyn - my big sister
Kelsey - my other big sister
Jenni-Lynn - somehow were related...bloodly-ish-ways
yes. im a family whore, but im not ashamed. :). im basically failing french...i HATE french. i HATE school. except for the not working part. i also hate how people write about A B LUNCH C D block on there blogs. no one cares about your days at school, so shut up fuckers. im gona sounds like a hypocrit for saying this. but im gona fail at school. im SOOO bad at it. 54% in french, thats 4 away from failing. god, im such a fuck up.
on a lighter note. birthday is coming up soon-ish. (3 months, yes its soon, fuck you). 14. champagne birthday! which is on a thursday...which is the day before s friday...*HINT*...(buy khrystyne things that will make her happy *cough*alcohal*cough*...). im gona plan some sort of party for myself. with bunches of people coming. i want this huge thing in the back yard, with lotsa music. and lotsa fun. and a Hot Tub...and STRIPPERS!, male and female...haha. wow, i wonder how much money this would cost...better start saving up. AHA!. anyways. i have a SHITLOAD of homework that i havent started on. i have to hand in all assignments that havent been handed in before next tuesday...which is insane amounts...yeah, bye.

*love*

I Thought he died.

2005-01-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

[music] - {wilmas rainbow - helmet}

9 days left. = a friendly boys birthday + show.
nick was invited. he shall be thrilled to see. that is if he doesnt leave. why would he stab me like that, nick i mean. my own brother. moving away. gar. what a cuntfuck. yes, im in a bit of an angered mood. for reasons like i didnt get to see AJ today. for nick was no where to be found. a 12 year old boy who doesnt call to tell where he is. non-responsible? fAck.
on a lighter note. AJ has not died. he was waiting to talk to me all day. no work tomorrow. skipping last block, catching an early bus and leaving for woodgrove. i cant wait to see him. i see him so little. its depressing. *sigh*
my poetry is so hideiously emo. and thats possibly the reason i dont post my poems.
a crush for him is possibly turning into more. ive been thinking about him more lately. the mind can be a non-listening thing. but this caught my attention person will not break the LOVE between my still fresh relationship. almost a month and a half. his birthday is soon. something extra spectacular shall be planned. im so glad he doesnt read this. or else hed know what id be doing for him. although i dont. ... sometimes i wish he had read a little bit of it. but. he probably never will.
this show. i cant wait. it shall be wonderfuck. "marcel marcel" how i love that song.
ive just realizied how fat i was. ive been tugging at my skin. i can yank it out 3 inches. many of you probably didnt want to know that. Many? ... no idea why i said many. i know maybe 3 people who read these shit stained thoughts. anywho. yes, im fat. 5 foot 7. 128 lbs = tubby rabbit khrystyne. im gona start writing fat all over my body. that is after i decided to scrub off AJ. which i written all over my body. recently another boys name appeared. but it was in felt. and the name dissapeared fast. AJs name still remains on many areas of Khrystyne.

and as the sun fades slowly in the west i bid you farewell.
*love*, my darlings.

fAck.

2005-01-10T16:43:00.000-08:00

[music] - {91.3 the ZONE - radio}

hes mad at me. apparently i copied his hair. i dissagree. apparently he hates me. thats a sad thought. let me die today.

im gone
*love*

people of importance.

2005-01-08T13:05:00.000-08:00

[music] - {send the pain below - chevelle}

so. ive decided to be lame and put a list of superbly important people on here. so, anyone with great importance will be heare. and if your not here, either
a.) your my friend, but not someone whos had any emmense importance in my life
or
b.) you suck and i hate you.
anyways, here it goes.

AJ Ritchie - my love, my life, my heart, my mind, my everything. i love you to death.
Jenni-Lynn Greenaway - gar. my best friend. god, so many good times, and funny stories. even though ive only know you for a short time.
Colin Spencly - my beginning of the year best friend. what happened? *sigh* i still love you though. you made me feel loved.
Caitlyn Spence - my sister in law. wow, what a passion i have for you. i always thought you hated me.
Kelsey Coleman - i love you. i see you on the bus alot. your pretty
Jesse Heglin - that boy that lives by the lake. your so nice to me. i still think you guys should have used the condom.
Curt Berry - le drummer boy. squeee. whos the hotty? your so nice. and the first time i was with aj was at your house...which gives you extra love.
Puppy - i love you. so fAcking much. your such a happy boy. and a nice one too. your never gona read this because, as we all know. blogs are for gays.
Brynn - one of my newest friends. hes a favourite of mine. i met him at a metal show. he lives in qualicum. hes nice too me. and i have a tiny bitof a crush...SHHH.
Jenna - *hump* i love thee. and now i consider you my humping buddy.
Sabrina - i met you at curts house. you were nice to me.
Lana - my wife. we should sex.
Laurana - i met you new years. you gave us booze, without knowing we were 13. hehe.
Kenney Smith - "wanna sex?" aha. i *heart* you with emmense-ness. your my mall friend. i see you lots.

Everyone else. go ahead and anger at me because your not on this list. these people are my BEST BEST BEST friends. you may not be, but your still my friends. i think i shall list the middle folk aswell.

Lyss, Sarah, Bee, Brittni, Mark, Martina, Melisa, all of the Jordans, and other people.

alright. now let the lameness go away. im waiting for AJ to get here, although, i dont think it will happen for we have so much fucking snow. i hate snow. with a passion. anyways. now im leaving. and im gona wait impatiently for the lovely boy to get here.
so long.

*love*

2005-01-08T01:51:00.000-08:00

[music] - {cant stop - red hot chili peppers}

snow. snow. snow. oh, how i hate it. the fridgidness. the needing to bundle up in arm clothing. how it gets in the way while your driving. oh how i hate it. so even with the snow, today. i got to go to a metal show. it was good-ish. though, surprisingly i wasnt paying much attention to the music being played. instead i was with a boy. a new boy. a purdy boy. he was very nice, and from what i know so far, hes purdy inside and out. a bad thing. we flirted for so long. i shouldnt have, but did. i couldnt stop myself. but i knew i couldnt go so far as to kiss him. i couldnt do that to AJ. i just love AJ too much. hes my world, my heart, my mind, my everything. hes alot like music. anways, Brynn. hes special. and ive hoped i havent crushed him. i want to be friends with him. but i dont wanna have a crush on him as much as i do. yeah. so show was meh. snow was GROSS. people are interesting. and AJs coming over tomorrow. how I love him soo. yes. so enough of this sappy love child ness. im going to bed.

*love*

2005-01-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

[music] - {boom swagger boom - murder city devils}

no. i am not a drunk. no. i do not do drugs.
for fuck sakes. i hate when people are like that. only because i had a bit to drink on new years doesnt make me a drunk. some people are too "sheltered". unlike myself. im not sheltered, im just deprived. lame. i know. so theres been a few things that have been really getting to my head lately. ive been moody more often. snappy more often. crying more often. not a pleasent feeling.

~firstly. about the fucking everyone thinks im a drunk/druggie/smoker/sex addict
- i drink, but i dont get drunk. ive NEVER done drugs, and i NEVER plan on doing drugs.i HAVE smoked, but im not addicted. and about the sex, yes, i do have sex alot, but its with someone whom i love dearly, its not like im going around fucking everything with legs.
~secondly. what the fuck is it with people being assholes too me?
- what did i do!?
~thirdly. my moms coming down.
- i dont know whats going to happen, honestly im freaking out. shes gona try and make me move up to Quesnel. and then shes going to be all "depressed and suicide" agian. i hate her for that. everything else i love her. but i hate that she makes me feel so bad. and i hate whats shes done to my dad.

and. that sums up the anger at the moment. actually, there is more. but i really dont feel like going into detail. because i know ill start balling. and some people might be angered. because i WILL use names. i dont care about the repect at the moment. names WILL be used. but not now. later when i feel like writing more.

anyways. todays story wasnt that big. it was actually kind of dumb. and lame. Jenni (heart), AJ and I went downtown so he could buy a new guitar. yup. and now basically, im going to get into this big story about how i dont spend enough time with AJ. like i usually do your probably bored with my stories...if your reading this. who really reads this? im so lame. Friday, theres supposedly supossed to be jam. and Friday night theres a show. i would go, but im not going to, for i dont want to "intrude" on AJs "concert/rocking" time with friends. so, im gona lay low, and say no. but! i am looking forward to the show on the 21st at the Cavalotti Lodge. yup. its pretty raptastic. hell yeah. well. waiting for AJ to get online. goodbye, my darlings.

lets all die today.
*love*

meow.

2005-01-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

[music] - {salty dog - flogging molly}

the first evening of a brand new year.
it will be different this year.
better than last.

*last night was amazing. so. story kids. we started at the bus stop. waiting for AJ. singing reel big fish.

"ill shave my legs/ill wear a bra/ill even cut my penis off for you!"

*we were singing at the top of our lungs. AJ got there. we caught another bus. downtown, here we come. we walked. AJ had some errands to run. we followed. he met up with a new person. Lorana. 23.
"do you drink?"
"yeah"
"do you smoke?"
"yeah"
"then come sit down"
*friendship. innstantly.13 +23. we sat there. AJ left came back. a buzz. we had already drank most of it. we left for the cambie. whil AJ did some more running aorund. walked around. met new people. a new wife. Lana is her name. a beautiful girl. so pretty. so outgoing. well. we did the downtown thing. twas great. went back home...for jennis. jesse. aj. jenni. myself. + a motor home. not a whole lot of sleep occured. a wine bottle was cracked open. happy new years.
*the top bed and a curtain. noise and shaking.
*yes. it was an asshole thing to do. but according to jenni they didnt mind. they were actually laughing. i guess it didnt help when we threw the clothes at them...and the condom...AN UNUSED ONE. we fell asleep. not quite naked under the blankets. goodnights. we awoke to snow. how i dispise the snow. its only good use is the beautiful pictures and ice tea slushis. they left at 1:00. jenni and i headed for the nightingale house at around 3:30. she left at 9:30.
*now that that story is done.
*ive discovered the reason. the reason he was acting like that. im of annoyance. fuck. i knew this would happen. i love him so much. he made me confident. he made me loved. he made me feel better. were going for coffee on thursday. i hope i can patch this up. make this better. i dont want him not wanting to be my friend. ill stop...i know he doesnt hate me. ive just been getting on his nerves by thinking he does.
fuck me. slap me accross the face and let me rot my life away. wow. im deep. for saying that you should shoot. me do it quickly and quietly...goodbye.

*love*

2004-12-29T21:01:00.000-08:00

yup. another year over and done with. mixed emotions throughout the year. things accomplished. things done with. yes. an odd year. so i think i shall list everything about everything thats happened. starting with the bad shit.

BAD

-tradgic ending to a wonderfunk friendship.
..........apparently ive changed too much for someone. i have a totally different veiw on everything. i didnt change. i just wasnt able to let myself go. i wasnt able to tell this person everything. to be my TRUE self around her. even if i said i was. i was lying to make her feel better.

-obsessive?
..........marshal. oh god. im a lame child. i couldnt get over him until towards the en of augest. yeah. im lame. someone should have killed me.

-was about to move away.
..........quesnel. and the only reason was for a boy i thought i loved. but i learnt it was lust. and that i could never be. womanizing men are a no no.

GOOD

-new friends
..........colin. a beautiful boy. who took notice of me. who made me feel special. i hope im still special. he means so much to me.
..........jenni-lynn. someone who knows me better than i know myself.

..........puppy. a very special boy. hes fun. and i love him so.

..........kenny. a very interesting fellow. whom i love dearly.

-blosseming
..........AJ. love. hes made me the happiest ive ever been. hes mine. all mine. and i hope we last for a while. hes so important to me. and i could never lose him. i wont let myself. if anaything ever happend to fuck us up i would DIE...he is my morning, my afternoon, my evening. my thoughts, my feelings, my heart. hes my everything.

yes. i could probably think of more. but the effort..nah. leaving.

*love*

Thank God its Gone!

2004-12-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

[music] - {walking with a ghost - tegan and sara}

christmas is over. thank god. i still need to buy a christmas presnt or 2. jeeze. so. i got good presents. new guitar. and a dog were the big ones. lovely. Bud. is the name. a jack russle. a cute little fucker he is. yeah. thats about it. a boy stayed over night sunday. wow. unfortunately i couldnt wake up next to him. fathers rules. i had to be downstairs. fuck. waiting for new years. jennis party. ill fall asleep next to him, and wake up with him beside me. it been 23 days. 8 more days equals 1 month. so. other news. colins coming back in 2 days. horray! mmhmm. uh. jennis birthday wsa yesterday. the big 1 3. a teenager *gasp*. happy birthday again, if your reading this. um..yeah..im blank. i thought id just write in here so that i wasnt leaveing too much space between posts. good day fuckers.

*love*

A Night To Remeber

2004-12-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

[music] - {watching the detectives - elvis costello}

a boy and a girl. a christmas date. the night was passionant. love was in the air. in the wind. whipering in my ears. a lovely feeling. it started at the mall. looked for him. couldnt find him for an hour. he cam up behind me. kissed the back of my head, in hopes it was the girl he loved. away together. they left for a boys house. christmas presents were wrapped. the time was going to fats. not enough time for their bath. sex. teasing. rape? no. wanting. needing. sex. amazing. passionant. beautiful. better than usuall. sweaty and still fresh. a shower was taken. together. clean. wash. brush. towel. dry. oh no. we were late. but the food was great. $51.11. or somewhere around that price was dinner. romeos. got picked up. now. im eating chocolates. chocolates filled with alcohal. Kaluha. Jack Daniels. SO good. its orgasming in my mouth. barely. people should be jealous! ha. jenni and her little boy torubles. an obsession is going on. its cute. its hwat i used to have for AJ. this obsession. a constant thinking aobut him. wanting him. needing him. freaking out because everything i thought about realted to him. it was cute. i didnt tell him until later. i wrote him an email. it was love. right now, i know its meant to be. but it might not. lets not think like that though. colins coming back soon. gar. we are having to hang out soon. before school re opens. i also have to hang out with puppy. 24th im going to AJs staff party. it shall be grand. i love it becasue he invites me to these things. i get treated so well. i hope we end up like Curt and Brittani. they're so good for eachother. its adorable. mmhmm. AJ. that boy. i absoulutly adore him. wow. i bet this is getting annoying. every post is about what we've done. it should be over soon-ish. then it will be back to storys about when colin and i skip. and stuff like that. well leaving to go watch a zombie filled movie. goodbye.

*love*

Light Ahead.

2004-12-19T23:19:00.000-08:00

[music] - {war all the time - thurday}

knocks on the door.
"Khrystyne. Wake up. Phone. Its AJ."
*groan*
"what time is it?"
"12:30, honey."
"oh? really? i never usually sleep in this late."
"i just woke up and you told me to call. the phone was right beside me."
"oh. ok. my head hurts. i had a vicious sleep."
"i love you."
"i love you too."
"are we seeing eachother today?"
"yes."

i caught the bus at 1:51. woodgrove. found brittney. *hugs*. she was one her break. 15 minutes left of it. we walked around. looking for someone with a ciggarette. no one. too bad. walked around. saw a Jenni. her hair is grand. britt just stood there while i talked. her break was over. it was decided i should go to visit Nate. only to find AJ in Spencers. a big kiss. hed been there for a while. i hadnt. we decided to go to the van. cuddled in the back under a blanket. cuddling. kisses. whispers. left woodgrove for rutherford. what a slow mall. A&W chicken burgers. mmm. we ate. we left. back to AJs. you can only guess what heppened there. im so uncomfortable with myself. its a bad thing. i want to do so much with him. but i can because i wont let myself. i just cant. eugh. i cleaned his room. typical 16 year old boys room: clothes everywhere. garbage everywhere. used condom on the floor. *sheakes head*, i love him anyways. he tried to accomplish making Kraft Dinner...but failed. soupy. i had to make it. what a silly boy. so then i was dropped of at woodgrove. called father. "pick me up at avalon" i was picked up 20 minutes later. uplands children were standing there. they waved. i hardly noticed. i hate them. with a passion. i blasted my music. started singing along. sat down on the curb. and waited. father called me a street kid and chuckeled. what a silly man. hes my idol. how couldnt he be. the original johnny knoxville is your dad? i mean come on. i dont know. maybe im exaggerating. just a bit. yeah. i am. christmas - 6 days. its not so exciting. in fact its kind of depressing. i STILL need to buy christmas presents. jeeze. im so lazy. Dan and le Jenni are no more. a sad thing. new people catching the attention. love is a crazy thing. not just one but a whole bunch of emotions rolled into one. its like a McNugget Happy Meal. you get the french fries, little drink, toy, and McNuggets. but all of the McNuggets are differently shaped. and all of these things make up the meal. you dig? i bet you dont. but thats ok. because i know what im saying. i honestly must say though. jenni and dan werent mean for eachother in my mind. they were too different. mmhmm. so, believe it or not ive had this screen up for longer than an hour. my msn is going insane. so many people talking to me. jenni wants to read. shes just as bad as me. impatient as fuck. haha. SCREW YOU JENNI!. im joking. colin. i miss him. he should be here hanging out with me. we must venture our way to courtney. but. its good hes away. hes probably happy to get away from all the non-happy nanaimo things. nanaimo is an unhappy place. its actually a very depressing place. blah. so. because ive had the screen up for so long im gona just post the damned thing. good bye and fuck you. have a nice day.

*love*

Re-Cut

2004-12-19T01:02:00.000-08:00

my best friend is in Arizona. gar. and he didnt even say bye. *tear*. i think him and i arent non-happy at eachother anymore. a good thing. Curts party was yesterday. twas grand. the Greenaway came. we met new folk. Sabrinas her name. shes a purdy girl. and other people. we had some drinks. sat outside with people. Luke was there. yes. it was all good. we ahd to leave at 1:00. we didnt get home till 2:05. ugh. woke up. left Jennis. got home. AJ got online ta 4:00-ish. he got here at 6:00-ish. love. love. love. i love him. we cuddled and other things. the joys of being in a relationship. tis lovely. anyways, now we have 2 Simpsons Christmas DvDs. gar. its all woah. christmas is a'coming. icky. family isnt coming down. if grandma was still here, things would be different. dry turky dinners, apple/strawberry crisp, family. i havent seen my favourite cousin in 1.5 ish years. its lame. yes. so i have Betty Bangs. i cut them myself. im superbly proud. dan and jenni arent welling to good. another had caught the attention of the eye. yes. fighting. dissagreements. eek. anyways. my eyes are dying. i must vacate. good night.

*love*

So Comfortable.

2004-12-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Last Rock Show - Bowling For Soup}

yeah...bowling for soup...its a guilty pleasure....FUCK YOU.

I almost fell asleep with him today. wow. it was beautiful. we were together. just him and i. amazing. i wanted that moment to last forever. it was so beautiful. i cant stop thinking about it. *sigh*...we kissed. we hugged. we cuddled. we sexed. we were snug. it was amazing. the best part of it all was the sex was not just SEX. it was making love. L-O-V-E. our love its so amazing. so fantastic. so true. he bought me a dress today. im wearing it on christmas dinner. its very pretty. very simple. very me. he paid $70. im angry at him for that reason. i dont want him spending that much money on me. hes too good to me. were so in love. i met his family today. theyre really nice. i *heart* his mom. she was so nice to me. and she said i was beautiful. it made me feel welcome. i feel accepted. its a grand feeling. i cant wait till next time i go to his house. more cuddling. more kissing. more hugging. more love. more AJ...
On another note - what do you do when your drifting away from one of your best friends? its a horrible feeling. someone you love no longer has the same love for you. i dont know whats happeneing, all i know is that its not good. im worrying. i dont want our friendship to die. it was so good at the beginning of november. and then this month its been blah. where is he? my friend? my best friend? where is our friendship? is it gone? no it isnt. its just delayed. maybe hes just angry at me. was it the photo-paper? it couldnt be just that. maybe its my realtionship with AJ. if it is then i dont know what im going to do. i couldnt choose id rather die. im not joking. id rather wither away and die then have to choose between my bestfriend and my boyfriend. because both, i love so incredibly much. they mean so much to me. i think he feels hes bing used. he isnt. maybe he feels avoided. he isnt. maybe he feels like hes in the way... maybe these are my feelings. they are. i cant help it. i feel of such insignificant value to him. possibly because im younger, maybe because i feel im intruding on his other friends and their realationship...i dont know. im so confused about him. *sigh* help me figure it out...please.

*love*

Updation.

2004-12-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

Ive decided updating everyday is a pain in the ass. todays story so far kids.
10:00 am. "Khrystyne gte your ass up and do the fucking laundry" . i did it.
10:07 am. "Khrystyne, go scrub the bathroom. i want it spotless. toilet and all" .i advise you never to scrub the toilet...its fucking disgusting.
10:57: i was finished the whole bathroom. vomit-ed about 4 times...why cant men aim properly? thats fucking disgusting what i had to scrub off of the floor. and the smell. ICKY....i shall stop talking about this.
Well. thats my day so far. very very icky. its the day of cleaning in the hosue of the nightingales. this house probably hasnt had a whole house clean up for 2 years. im glad weve only live in it 6. its so gross. and it smells like shit. i wanna move out of here. or at least get it fixed up so i dont have to look at the uglyness anymore. AJs coming home today. horray. if im lucky ill be with him tomorrow. i love him so much. anyways. the day is going by incredibly slow. ive gotta go clean my room and do laundry. goodbye my loves.

*love*

Dissapointed?

2004-12-09T16:09:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Division St. - Thursday}

4 days. wow. thats possibly the longest ive gone without posting. many things have happened. dissapointment. love. anger. sadness. happiness. all those emotions and such. Sarah and Lyss found out about the smoking and the sex. eek. they werent to happy with me. of course they werent. so. ive decided to quit smoking. but the sex...i dunno. Ive spent the last few days with AJ this week. god, hes so beautiful. He took me out for dinner last night. I feel so special. and hes planning on taking me out for "christmas dinner" wow. im glad i found this boy. hes so understanding. i love him. he loves me. its so amazing. anywho. there is a jam tonight. fAck. im not aloud to go. Tony and Nikkis concert christmas thing is tonight. *shrugs* and i wont be able to see my AJ all weekend becasue dad isnt letting me do anything. what an ass. grr. AJ is going to salt spring anyways... so i guess it doesnt matter. *sigh* maybe next weekend. im so blank minded. i dont know what to tell. i think im gona leave...

*love*

Reflections

2004-12-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Southern Girl - Incubus}

friday, saturday. the best days of the week. and almost the best days of my life. im so in love with him. i cant say what i feel. its just so amazing! when Im not with him it seems like time stands still. and yet when Im with him, theres never enough time. shall reflect and tell about my weekend? Yes:
Friday.
I took a bus to Woodgrove right after school. I wanted to get there as soon as possible. I was so excited. I was there so early. 2:30 when i was supossed to be there at 4:30. I went into the bathroom. fixed my make-up, i want to look perfect for him. it was only 2:37. *sigh* i walked around the mall. about 4 times. then decided to go outside for a cigarette. Angie walked by. so. i put the cigarette away and walked with her. she was excited. a new piercing. ha. wow. isnt she lovely. she showed me stuff which she got for Colin for christmas. he shall be happy with his gifts. it was around 3:45 when I saw Curt. AJ was still not there. for he gets off of work at 4:00. there was about 15-30 minutes left. i was so impatient. so i walked around with Curt and Beefy for another little while. we finaly found him. hes so beautiful. Curt and Beefy left. and we went outside. he brought his acoustic along. he sang. his voice is amazing. i love that he can sing. he played for me. he sang for me. we kissed. it was dark. the only light came from the signs of the mall. it was freezing outside. but it didnt matter. we were together. we walked to angies. for jam. everyone was there. Colin, Eric, Curt, Chris and AJ. i took some lovely pictures. not many. only like 4. but they should come out good. im gona get Colin to develop them for me. there were others there. Brittney (Curts girlfriend), Luke, Matt (sarahs brother) and Alex (whom hates me). Colin got stoned and was trying to be a metalhead. it was too awsome for words. AJ, Curt, Beefy, Luke and I left after about 25 minutes of jamming. went to dairy queen. i called my dad told him i was staying over night at Angies...even if i wasnt. shh. after dairy queen we stopped back at angies to see if people were still here. then walked to Curts. they played video games whil AJ had a shower. I watched. AJ got back. he played a bit. then he led me into a room. we closed the door. and then it was just us 2. in the bed together. we got interuped a few times. by Curt. random humpings occured. its halarious. how comfortable these people are with eachother. im love it. i feel so fit in with this group of people.
Saturday
we didnt actually go upstairs untill about 3:00-ish. we didnt fall asleep for until about 30 minutes later. teehee. not much happened. we just talked. we kissed. we touched. we cuddled. we fell asleep together. oh. how different it feels with someone by yourside as you fall alseep. its almost the best feeling in the world. we woke up at 10:00 ish. i called my dad. he was to comeo pick AJ and I up at 12:00 at rutherford school. we had 2 hours to ourselves. everyone else was at work. or not there. we started on the couch. and made our way to the room again. kissing started it all. clothes were slowly taken off. we had 10 minutes until we had to go. "condom anyone?". and thats when things started moving. we only had 4 minutes. which is terribly short. it wasnt long enough. it could have been better. only if it was longer. well. maybe next time it will last a lot longer. we were back in our clothing and ventured off to rutherford school. father picked s up around 20 minutes later. my house. shower was the first thing that occured. i went back downstairs to find AJ with my guitar in his hands. i wish i took a picture. what a beautiful boy. Tony is a rat. oh how i hate him. he kept on getting between me and my love. i wanted to kick him. but dad wasnt home. he was shopping. finally he got home. tony left. and me and AJ were left alone for a while. nothing happened. for fear of someone walking in on us. so we just talked. the way he talks...oh. god. its orgasmic. hes so emotionally beautiful. its so had to discribe the way he is. he left at 10:30-ish to catch the bus to woodgrove. i was sad.
Present Time
i miss him so much. his kisses his touch. i get tingles evertime i think about him. im so in love with this boy. i cant wait to see him again. time is so fucking slow. god i miss him. i love him. i want him. i need him. hes like a drug. something you cant get enough of. *sigh*. this feeling is so impossible. a new topic: Colin and i have decided to go adventuring one day. up to Courntey. it shall be great. we must find a way to get there. i cant wait. hes leaving soon. *sad*. im gona miss him. because hes my best friend and all. we should be doing something this week, him and i. yes. it sucks when one of your friends discovers that youve been smoking. some people are so pissed at me. fuck. i hate when these things happen. ill have to live with it. anyways. ive been typing for 25 minutes straight. leaving now.

*love*

I Think Im In Love.

2004-12-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Burn Piano Island, Burn - Blood Brothers}

Anyways. I had quite the adventure today. I did end up going to school today. I missed B block. The most hated of all subjects. French. With Mrs.Elhorn. God shes an ugly. She looks like Pumba. Ha. I was with Colin at lunch today. Hes so awsome. Teehee. Then I left him. And then he came back and jumped on my back and i gave him a piggyback. Ha. After school puppy walked me through the trail. Dad picked me up. Dropped me off at home then went back to work. At around 4 someone asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I had no ride. So I took the bus. Well it turns out I took the wrong bus. God. Im such a screw up. I made it to the mall. About an hour late. But a person was still waiting there for me. A hug. We walked. Saw Angie at work. Cream cups were blown up. It was amusing. It looked like dirty too me. We walked around. And found Kenney! Also other children. Kisses occured. I think Im in love. This cant happen again. Im panicing because I want this to be true. But it wont be. Last time this happened it was an unhappy ending. I dont want that to happen to me again. When i was ankle deep in my own lifeless emotion. Horrible. Just horrible. I just cant stop this emotion from taking over. Everything I think about ends up relating to him. I constantly get goosebumps. Its amazing. Kill me now. And do it fast. Im joking. I love life. Almost as much as i love Pepsi. Wow. They have a new christmas pepso out. Its got some funky christmas spice taste. Its really neat. I hate egg nog. I want a Gibson SG. I might be getting one! So happy. I cant get this thought of love out of my heart...Help me. please.

*love*

Sickness has taken over

2004-12-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sickness. I hate being sick. Tony is sick also. gar. Its the first today. yuppy!. Or not. 25 days left. Holy shit. thats not very long. Wow. were in our 4th month of the school year. Friday night jam. Yay. Angie invited me. Which makes me feel even more special. so. I have plans for the whole weekend now. fthar isnt gona be too happy about this. I have to chase kids aorund all weekend again!? He hats bring non-lazy. What a fatty. haha. I have nothing to say other than Im sick.
*love*

p.s. im at post 25. thats 1/4 of 100! ... wow. how lame am I...keeping track.

Accusations

2004-11-30T22:40:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Songs stuck in my head}

Today. Today. Today. Today kind of sucked. School blew cock today. except for lunch. Colin ditched me and Jenni. So I sat with Puppy all lunch. I had fun. Hes insanly ticklish. Yea. Thats really all that happened today at school. Besides in B. Reading. Children could hear music. So they looked around. And of course accused me. I wonder why. Maybe it was becasue of the freakishly huge headphones which I had around my neck. BUT! It wasnt I. It was another person who had music. Might I add it was very shitty music at that. Jenni cam over after school. We watched a movie. Ate honey roasted peanuts and picked out the ones that looked like dirty things. Ha. Were so lame. I think Ive possibly found love. I relly really like this person. One of those constantly going through the mind things. Everything is associated with that one person. Its amazing. Im always tingling at the thought. I have plans for the weekend. I get to meet this girl. Sarah. She is from Woodlands. She is my best "stranger" friend. Were gona go by her freind a pink shirt. It shall be grand. Jenni would probably be coming with us. My nexus is going extrmely well. Theyre are finally pictures up. I have folk adding me on their list of friendlies. I feel so loved. Father is demanding that I go to bed now. Im sleep deprived. Havent been geting enough lately. Maybe ill pass out and fall down the stairs on the way to my room. Maybe die. Then come back from the dead for the 3rd time. Jesus is my best friend.

*love*

Disgusted.

2004-11-29T16:52:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Cecilia - The Blood Brothers}

Icky. 26 days until present day. And theyre taking the Christmas stuff out now? Im disgusted. Rain today. The smell made me tingle. Made me happy. Yet it was an asshole walking home in. Frozen. 2 degrees. Barely. Its supossed to snow tonight. If so. Get ready for a beautiful November morning. Exciting lunch today. At the high school. Tomithys. Caffinated goodness in my viens. On the way back. Stopped at B. Only to find that CARA was there. Its interestingly creepy how much we look alike. I got a hug. Well. I gave a hug. The universe collapsed. I left. Along with my Mp3. In which Colin had again. After school Puppy and I walked through the trail. Hugs and grabbing accoured. Then I left. For home. Nexus account. Im proud. Im so lame.

7 minutes later

The Christmas tree has been pulled out. ick. How i dislike this. Tonys excited. Of course. Plans for christmas are being made. Possibly going down to Auntie Cathys. Or fasha is having a party here. I hate this. I cant wait for Boxing Day. Thats the only good part about Christmas. Because if you dont like the shit you get you can send it back and get betterness! Mmhmm. Theres nothing left to talk about.

p.s. You can now leave comments! look above. COMMENT

*love*

Mondays..eugh

2004-11-28T20:48:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Beer - Reel Big Fish}

School tomorrow. A-B-C-D. I perticularly dislike mondays. For its the first day of the week of school. Its depressing. I think so. Last night. Could have been better. It wasnt. Only 30$. Fuck. 100$ wroth of seinfeld was bought last night. Seasons 1.2.&.3. Wow. How I love Seinfeld. Todays story starts last night after babysitting. Got home. MSN right away. I had quite a lovely conversation with Puppy about Sex and Sex realted topics. It was quite interesting. I also talked to Colin. Went to bed thinking about music. 10:30 am. I was awokened by father telling me he and the boys were leaving. The house to myself. There was a jam today. 1 PM. So happy. It was great. Marcel Marcel was played. Oh how that song is loved. A new song was worked on. Lies Chapter 2. Beautiful. Eventually Curt and AJ left. I got a hug. And I jumped on AJs back. We walked to the stop sign. I hopped off. Gave anothe hug and walked back to Angies. Sadly Angie wasnt there today. I was sent of about 10 minutes later. I headed to the mall. I stopped to see Angie. Asked her what I should get Colin for Christmas. I know what I shall be getting him now. Im not gonna say. For I know he reads this. YES. I KNOW YOUR READING THIS, COLIN. Ha. I was in the mall for 30 minutes. I called father at around 3:30. He picked my up. Went home. Ate dinner. Baked a bit. Talked. MSN-ed. Listened to music. Then tubbed. Hot water. Oils. Smells of oranges and citrus. Relaxed. It was beautiful. And after that I end up here. On the computer. Typing away about my day. I was happy with this weekend. Nick is shining a light in my eye. Im gona go kick him.

Away from the computer to go whack Nick.
*love*

New & Improved

2004-11-27T16:01:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Destro's Secret - Dillinger Escape Plan}

I did not mention that I met my brother yesterday. Well. Not my brother. Caras brother. Hes seems nice. Improvements! You can now leave comments. MSN 7. Makes things slow. I recomend not peircing your lip by yourself. Mine is yet to get infected. I can still remeber that popping sound. Disgusting. Only 3 ish hours left. CHristmas presents shall be bought tomorrow. The most wonderful time of the year my ass. Its not even December and folk have their lights up. Guh. Its gross. Martina stopped by. Shess flipping out about how much her labret hurts. Suck it buttercup. Grr. Im so angered about having to cancle plans today. I wish I could have had folk come over. But no. I have to babysit. Tony wont be here. Father and Nikki are at a movie. Im waiting to walk to Julies house to babysit rugrats. *sigh*. It gets dark to quickly now. I miss the summer. When I could just walk out of my room and grab a sleeping bag and crash on the trampoline. Wake up with morning dew on my face. Enjoy Stormy weather with persons on a blanket in the middle of a field.Just wanting to get struck by flashes of light. Dancing in the summer rain with AFI's - He Laughs Last blaring out of my house. Or just on the dock. With my feet in the water. God. Oh how I miss the summer. Snow. It shall be coming soon. I cant believe hes making me go snowboarding. I hate the snow. I hate being in the snow. Christmas hours at the mall. Curt works constantly. No more jams for a while folks. *tear*. Its not fun. I loved going to jams. I guess Ill have to wait.

bye.
*love*

No Place Like Home

2004-11-26T21:51:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Judith - A Perfect Circle}

Quantim Physics confuse me. I had no idea what was being said. The movie was reletivly amusing. Except for the confusment. Colin understood. I didnt. I met folk at Spencers while at the mall. Theyre nice. Colin is at Angies. She has said Hi to me. Shes nice. My dad picked me up at 9:20 at Timothys. Colin headed over to Angies. It turns out my Uncle Danny is over. Hes not the most sober at the moment. Hes having tough times with his girlfriend. Poor guy. Hes telling me stories. Im amused. So. Tomorrow. Babysitting. 4 hours worth! Money, Money, Money! I have not so much to talk about at the moment. For nothing is excited. Danny is talking about Harry Potter. Oh how I dispise Harry Potter. Oh. Now Shrek 2. Puss in Boots. What a lovely character. Wow. Drunk folk are funny. I saw children at the theater. God. Theyre so. I WANNA BE LIKE KHRYSTYNE! guh. I walked out. Lip peierced. With Colin. They stare. I was confused. Amber Wilkins. I dislike her. Miranda. I dislike her to.

Leaving now.
*love*

J to the Enni

2004-11-26T16:54:00.000-08:00

I am at Jenni-Lynns house. I wasnt able to post yesterday for I was hiding from my dad. My blog is being dumb. It keeps on going in ITALICS. Which angers me so. I pierced my lip. The side. The right side. I only have a stud in it right now. But soon there sahll be a ring. When it stops hurting. I did it myself to. Im superbly proud. Father hasnt seen it yet. Hell kill me. Im scared. Ive been avoiding him. Im meeting Colin at Woodgrove at 7. We shall be going to a movie. What the Bleep Do We Know? It looks intense. Winter. Its coming to soon. Christmas. 1 month away. Money is being made tomorrow night. around 80$. Colin is at guitar lessons. Im gona call him at 5:40. Because Ive gotta get to Country Club by 5:53. To catch a bus to Woodgrove. Unless Jennis family give me a ride. Bought coffee for folk today. Puppy gotta small Cappicino. What a funny kid. And it was a SMALL to. He could have gotten a large and I would have been fine. BUT NO! The pudding is being angered at Jenni. My hair has been blackened, yet again. Im happy. Martina is yet to pierce her lip. Because I did it. Or no. Shes wanted a piercing almost as long as I have. But We (jenni and I) dont think it will suit her. *shrugs* shes gona get shit-kicked. i must go.

*love*

Wow. Pictures

2004-11-24T18:34:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies}

27:00 minutes left until babysitting. No jam tomorrow. Or so Ive heard. Unfortunate. Tim Hortons commercials on TV. It makes me want coffee. Or caffine. Caffinated goodness.

"ALL I WANTED WAS A PEPSI!" Music

Why do most people like coke better than pepsi? Coke is icky. Pepsi isnt. And pepsi has better commercials. You know whom has really shitty commercials. McDonalds. Guh. Im lovin' it. Well Im not lovin it. In fact. Im dis-lovin it. Grr. McDonalds taste like crap. Theyre cutting down rainforests becasue the soil in the rainforest is good for their crop which they use to feed them animals. And all this soil is getting dryed out. And then they plant more trees. But eventually these trees die becasue the soil doesnt work. And eventually theres another acre of non-rainforest. Either Ive made you insanly confused. Or your wanting to kick the folk whom are doing this just like me. Grr to them. As Jenni would say, "They diserve to be clubbed, preferibly with a pool cue." I agree with Jenni. NEW SUBJECT - I must get some batteries for my camera. I need to start taking pictures again. Ive looked through Colins photography booklet-ma-doo. There are some really excellent pictures in there. Some in which I want. I have recently been taking pictures of myself wiht my webcam. How lame am I? Obviously very. I had a picture posted but it didnt work. *tear*. So. I shall post the URL

Confused? - http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-11/890818/LAMB.jpg

And as the sun sets slowly in the West, I bid you farewell.
*love*

7 Days.

2004-11-24T15:56:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Somebodys Gona Get Their Head Kicked In - The Rezillos}

Babysitting. Yuppy. Or Not. Its a good thing the kids a good. Theyre very good children. Wow. Colins hair looks great! I am insanly jealous. Its cut all awsome. and its gotta big red chunk in the middle. Guh. Pfft. Grr. I want his hair. I cant wait for my hair to get re-styled. I know where I can find Colins present. And its within the budget. Aha. Nick and his little friend are watching the ring. Screaching evertime there is something scary. Its quite amusing. 7 Days! Haha. Little ones can be scared so easily. I must discover what Jenni-Lynn wants for christmas. Cant wait for hte next jam. Ill probably be more talkitive with Angie. Well "bond" more. haha. Im glad she likes me. The weather is lovely. No Im not being sarcastic. The rain looks beautiful. Sparkly droplets. Just falling. Randomly everywhere. Im thinking about just laying outside. On the grass. Pretty. I think so. Someone pulled the fire alarm today. Our principle was in my french class when the bell rang. He jumped up and flipped. It was funny. We also had an Earthquake drill. Which wasnt as fun. Ha. Colin is no longer going to Nardwaur. He's going to Ladysmith instead. I need to make plans for myself on saturday. See what I can do. Guh. My feet are cold. Bee dyed her hair yesterday. The tips are now fushia. Unfortunately all the extra dye is coming out and is dying her skin. So its all Pink-ish Purple. She looks like the Blueberry girl off of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Except..more Cherry-ish. Teehee. 4 more hours. Until I must babysit. Ick. Well. Until I have anything left to say I shall be leaving.

Gone.
*love*

Lame

2004-11-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Tulips are Better - Atreyu}

107 persons. . . 16 online. . .talking to ZeRo. Dying. Again. Nothing New. Colin is getting his hair done. I cant wait for the finished product. Everyone thinks the blonde will look bad. Everyone except me. I cant wait to see it. Hes probably going to be so happy and excited tomorrow. TeeHee. Reality TV. Has it gone to far? Fat folk trying to lose weight. I think its too much. Ive had enough of it. Survivor, Fear Factor, The Biggest Loser. All those shows. They all suck. I need cable. Ghetto-vision is getting blah. I may soon be getting my lip pierced. Fasha hasnt completly decided. If he says no Ill do it anyways. I need a new website. My other one is lame. Just about as lame as this blog. I want coffee. I really really want coffee. Guh. Just that word. C-o-f-f-e-e. Caffinated goodness in my viens. Mother has just called. Tony is flipping out. "MY TURN FIRST MY TURN FIRST!" I wish to punt that kick. Really hard. So Im not moving up to Quesnel. Folk are happy about this. Except for dearest mother. I havent seen her for 3 months. Eeek. Its been that long. I guess it has. I have this crazed 3 post a day thing going on. I must be lame. Very Very Lame.

Leaving. Leave-ed. Left.
*love*

Love.

2004-11-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Kitty Collar - Queen Adreena}

Talking with Colin on MSN. I guess Angie wrote a whole email about me. I feel loved. Ive been hearing that we've bonded. And I must agree. Im in a happy mood at the moment. I still think that Cara person secretly, or openly hates me. Which saddens me so. But Angie likes me. A good thing! <3*heart*<3>. Yes. It is a grand thing.

What a short post.
*love*

5 Basic Needs

2004-11-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Weekend Sex Change - Dillinger Escape Plan}

Yesterday Jenni and I were thinking. What do you need in life? Of course we didnt really mean what we NEEDED. But more what we wanted to need. You dig? good. We came up with these.

1.Oxygen
2.Music
3.Food
4. Sex
5.Alcohal

Aha. It is grand. So todays story starts in the morning. At school. I walk around the circle, looking for who else, and i find Mr.Brunning! I got a hug. What a cool guy. So we walked. Around 1.5 times and then looked down B wing and we found Sir Spencly. Horray. He gave me back my hoodie, which he had taken away from me about a week ago. We had our Adventure Scenes today in Drama. Devin liked our. Which is a reletivly good thing. Nothing spectacular happened in D today. Mrs.Pedersen asked if I had an older boyfreind. The only reason she asked was becasue she saw I was walking around with Eric. It was interesting. Lunch. Lunch has a story of its own. Guh. Well. It started with Colin, Jenni, Jesse with the RED boots, Bee and Myself. We journeyed our way to Timothys (Tim Hortons). On the way there Bee tripped. Laughing occured. She kind of didnt fall at the right time. Colin was ammused. We got to Timothys. Coffee. Yum. On the way back Jenni thought it would be a fun idea to throw a damned pudding cup at me! Grr. It was empty. But it hit me in the head. Everyone from then on was unloved. Even Colin. Though he didnt do anything. Sorry about that by the way. You know I still *love* you, Colin. He wouldnt talk to me after I said sorry. So I complained to Puppy about it. And I jumped on him as usuall. He hates it. I find it halarious. So he started humping me with his knee. I *heart* Puppy. I had to wait till between A and B blocks. Obviously I felt horrible. Damned. But our little grudge ended with Sorrys and Hugs. Weekend is coming. Plans must be canceled. Not a big deal. Colin is unable to make it to Saturday. I dont know if Ill still have it or not. I might do something else. Friday shall still be quite fun. I cant wait. I havent been to a movie since Augest-ish. God. Its been that long? Insanity. We shall be going to a movie on Friday. What The Bleep Do We Know? Then supossedly he is coming back to my house and hes getting picked up at 11:30-ish. We should get more folk to come. Yes. I got a hug from Kelsey today on my way out of the school. Shes cool. Very pretty too.

Alas. My ranting is completed
*love*

Hugs From Everyone

2004-11-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

Guh. Jam. More folk didnt make it. Grr. I think Ive annoyed someone. Oops. Eeek. Never a good thing. Hah. Curt didnt come. No drums. Actually Angie drummed. Shes pretty good. Better than me! So I decided to take the bus after school with Colin to go to the jam. I dislike buses. Well. We made it to Woodgrove. Then walked from Woodgrove to Angies. I love Angie. Even if I dont know her very well. Shes really nice. And she doesnt hate me. From what I know anyways. Eventually Eric and Chris got there. Then AJ. Then Kenny magically appeared! What a cool guy. I got hugs from everyone. Yay. I love hugs. Well. The band played 3-ish songs. I was dissapointed. But what can I do? Nothing. Everyone left after about half an hour. Which sucks. Maybe next time will be better. On the way home my dad told me i have to babysit on Wednesday. From 7:45 till 9:45...I need the money. Even though it will probably only be 10 bucks. Meh. Thats 6-ish coffees worth. Ha. We went to Tim Hortons today at lunch. Colin shoved a donut in his mouth. Ick. It was kind of gross. Hah. I saw my cousins car again. Javen. I think he thinks I skip. Unless he doesnt know it is me. I should call Brandie one day. That would be fun. I should go buy tickets to Nardwaur. I should but I wont. Its on Thursday. Who has a concert on Thursday? Interesting. I think Ive been confusing folk. With my talking about internet shirts. Ha. Anyone who reads this is gona be confused about what Im talking about. Confused yet? You should be. I got my hair goo back from my grandma. Im possibly gona put dred-ish things in my hair tomorrow. It will look neat. Speaking of dreds. Puppy was supossed to come over. It was raining so he decided against it. Kennys got spiffy mini black dreds. Theyre cute. He demanded that I love him earlier this evening. What a cool guy. But I love evreyone. Except for people whom dont love me. Personaly. I think these folk can go to hell.

Well. Enough of my ranting.

*love*

Hate Being Hated.

2004-11-21T16:09:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Combat Baby - Metric}

Wow. The house in which I live is fridged. Downstairs is a mess. I had to clean a partcial amount of it up today. In the process i found many odd things. A whole box of Playboy magazines. I wonder whos they are?...ha! Who am I kidding. I know exactly whoms they are. I just prefer not to think about it. *shudders*. . . AJ sent me the lyrics to my favourite song by This Days Red. Marcel, Marcel.

"Are you so small./Have you got a disease./Here i am./Down on my knees./Wont you take me./So far away"

I LOVE that song. Im hungry. Dinner is yet to be good tonight. Salmon. Yum. I cant wait. Thers a jam session tomorrow. I might go. Depends if folk want me there or not. I hope they do. I love going to jams. They make me feel happier. Better. Non-un-happy. You know where Im getting at? Good. Colin was telling me about their next show. It shall be coming around in January. Horray. Hes going to see Narwaur and the Evaporators on Thrusday. I could have gone. But I decided against it. Only becaus I feel Im just tagging along without being wanted. The Grey Cup is on. Its amusing how insanly shitty the Grey Cup is compared to the Super Bowl. Theres no random boobs being exposed in the middle of the whole thing. God that caused alot of controversy. Yes. Lots. School tomorrow. Guh. I dont want to go. But I must. Ive quit going to hockey games. They no longer do anything for me. Tom is there anyways. I dislike that kid. Another relationship gone down the drain. I hope I dont see him again. I cant wait to get my hair done. Colin is getting his hair done. It shall look great. I cant wait to see it. Im gona dye mine black. Father wont let me put in the blonde. Grr. I think I already have blogged about this. I dont remember. *shrugs*. I want to meet Cara again. I want to be able to talk to her. Without her giving me some crazy look then running away. That saddened me so. *sigh* yes. It really did. I dislike feeling of being un-loved and hated. It makes me sad. Very sad. Goodbye Now.

Whom has read...?

2004-11-21T14:07:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {I was Meant for Loving You - KISS}

Well. I am bored. Insanly Bored. Yes. Last night was fun. Movies are great. Except when they dont work in the PS2. GRR! That pissed me off till no end. I cant wait for next Saturday. PARTY!? Barely. Tony shall be out. Nick probably will be to. Ill see if father dearest is attempting to get hammered in Parksville. I might have the house to myself. That is if fasha trusts me. Im still debating whom should come to this... Dinner Party. Ha. Ill ask. Ill plan. It shall be fun. So because we skipped B block on friday. I must write Sarah and myself notes. We missed a test. I also need to write one for C block. That is if Mrs.tinnion notices i was gone that day. I cant believe we are already in our 3 months of school. Its quite crazy. Christmas is comming soon. God. I dont want to kill my dad for money. I NEED a new guitar. But I dont need it enough to kill us for money. Hes done so much for me. And I have no way of paying him back. Its kind of depressing thinking about all the shit hes been through with my mom. Its crazy. I wonder how many people have actually decided to read this. Hm. I know Martina has. She says i pour my heart out into it. Which I really dont. If I did posts would be millions of letters long. Hmm. Well. I think i may have a nap. Or eat something. Maybe throw something at someone. Yes. Maybe. I dont know.

Left.

To No End

2004-11-20T23:43:00.000-08:00

Well. Im half asleep. Colin left about an hour an a half ago. I had fun. Hes an amusing chap. Well. Im bored. And have nothing else to do. So. Ive decided to come up with a list of theings that Piss me off To No End. And here they are:

* People whom wear fake rings in their lips so that its makes them look like they have real piercings...but you can obviously tell they arent.
* People whom wear skirts over pants. It looks stupid.
* People whom think they're hardcore because they listen to Slipknot. You arent hardcore.
* Folk whom say Avril Lavinge is a poser. She may be. But you are too. Because everyone is.
* Persons whom say they're non-square. But have not become un-square enough to kiss a guy.
* Girls with high pitched voices.
* People with Rancid Shirts. Even if Rancid is a reletivly good band.
* Boys that wear a trucker hat to the side. Whom have a bunch of studded belts/braclets. What would you call that ra-p-unk-ish?
* People who think Im a dork because of my guilty pleasure band... Bowling For Soup. Yes. I know. Im lame.
* Fast Food
* Those stupid emails you get that have the millions of questions about your life.
* Folk whom think they're cool because they us "Z" instead of "S" and "X" instead of "CKS"
* MSN abbreviantions

Yes. That is it for now. I am currently bored to death. I must figure out whats heppening tomorrow. Well. Now I think I shall be crashing.

Goodnight Now.

Impatient. . .

2004-11-20T11:57:00.000-08:00

Silly folk. Im hoping hes awake. We have made plans. Shall he cancle them. . .Again?. . .I hope not. Or adventures shall supossedly start at Moxies. Eventually we'll have coffee. Go to Arbutus Music. Make our way around Northern-part. Eventually we shall end up in the Bat-Cave. Where movies shall be watched, conversations shall be discussed. But only if he was online. Or if he had givin me his phone number. Ugh. Father is leaving at 1:00. So if no one is getting ahold of me I must be ditched. Or I mut be walking. Guh. This is horrible. Sarah is no longer heart broken. A good thing. I was with Ms.Greenaway yesterday. We went to her boyfriends house. Dan. Hes neat. I like his step-brother. Brad. He amuses me. I braided his hair for him. Unfortunatly I never completed the job. Which kind of sucked. I promised him next time id do his whole head. It shall be intersting. Ugh. Colin. Hes dissapeared again. This makes me un-happy. 2nd week in a row. If i cant get ahold of him. Grr. Sarah wont stop using the word "Sick". ARG! That word annoys me so. Im so impatient. Its a bad thing to have. Because impatience leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate is a bad thing. Tony is being a Rat child. Not a surprise. Boredum is killing me. I feel like dying. So bored. cant wait to do something today. Maybe we could stop at MTM and get some cheap DVDs. Well watch them in my room. Whom he has to see the improvements. My light. The heater. The big black thing. And my leapord print pillows. I made a leapord print skirt two. In which im very proud of. I was gona wear it today. But decided against it. People might throw pennies at me while I walk.

Horray. Colin is online. Plans are being made. Yay.

Damned the Phone!

2004-11-17T22:12:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste - Norma Jean}

So. I got home from the jam session. Music. I love it. This Days Red is great. Unfortunatly AJ didnt make it. No vocals tonight. There were new people there. People I didnt know. Skye. Shes nice. Another girl. She looked like Ashlee Simpson to me. . .And this guy names Kenny. He was quite cool. I like his hair. Colins girlfriend was there to. Angie. She was nice. I didnt talk to her much either. Hmm. I dont know. I have to ditch Colin and pup tomorrow. To go get coffee with Sarah. Poor girl. Rich has a girlfriend. Sarahs heart is torn up. Shes emotionally struggling at the moment. Ill buy her a donut. She wont let me buy her coffee. Ill buy Colin some coffee though. Because he loves it so much. Extra Large Double Double. Ha. Ive been around him too much. I know what kind of coffee he likes. He wouldnt give me back my hoodie. I have no idea why he loves it so. Maybe because of frank. The puppet on the sleeve. Frank is a cool . .Sleeve-thing. But I still have his sweater. Its cool. Its got pretty flowers on it and End This Week With Knives wrtten on it. I also have his scarf. . . And a pair of his pants. He gave me the pants though. Fasha got a new pair of Boots. I love them! He wont let me wear them tomorrow. Which saddens me. Because theyre so fucking cool! grr. He might buy me a pair. Seeing as they are only 25$ which is a pretty damned sweet deal. Id say. My MSN is fucking up big time. GAH! it keeps on signing me out. Grr. Its pissing me off till no end. People are probably wondering why I keep on going online then offline. Ugh. Fasha is on the phone. THATSwhy its not workingl Colin was talking to me, Jenni-Lynn was, Nathanwas and Derrk (ugh) was. Grr. Colins possibly going to be angered at mebecause i didnt say hi to him. I made a leapord print skirt. Its spiffy as hell. hehe. yeah. Ugh. I have to tell Colin Im ditching him now. I hate doing that. I really really do. I want coffee. Ugh. I need to singat Wellington Idol...I really dont wanna do that. Grr. Im gona makea fool of myself as usual. Great. Im cold again. Dad wont get off of the phone. I need to tell Colin thatIm ditching him tomorrow. I need money for the bus. I need money tobuy Sarah a donut. Too many things running through my head. Fasha will probably be on the phone for another 45 minutes. Garg. Stupid people.

I have nothing left to complain about.

Leapord Print Pillows

2004-11-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

So. Im bored. Ive been working on sewing pillow cases for the last 45 minutes. Wow, do I ever love leapord print. It is quite grand. And kind of gay looking. The pillow looks awsome. Wow. I cant wait to have more of my room leapord print. I need leaprd print curtians or maybe bedding...hmm. Leapord print is soo fucking cool.! Wow. I have so much stuff i must finish in my room. So many people I must make come over. Like Melissa! she has yet to see my awsome room. Lyss. What and awsome kid. Too bad or friendship had to be stomped on a few times. I really loved that kid. I really did. My room is quite mis-matched. Well. Not that. It just has its own style. Black/Leapord Print/Batman. Ha. Wow its interesting. God i hate Viagra commercials! especially the one where the old guy is in the shower and hes got the shower head on high pressure and its making his voice all screwy! UGH! it just pisses me off to no end! grr. mmhmm. well. Ive decided to add a few links to this post. You know for something to do.

Sarahs Blog - http://silverslinky.blogspot.com
Deviant Art - http://www.deviantart.com

byebye now

Non-swimming type.

2004-11-17T18:23:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {Take the Skinheads Bowling - Camper Van Beetoven }

I skipped C block today. Jenni, Bee and Colin came along. Sarah was sad. For she was unable to fondle anyone in drama. Ha. Im the bitch. Shes the butch. Haha. I *heart* that girl. So. We walked to Tim Hortons. Got coffee. God coffee is good. I didnt get any. Because I feel bad when i spend peoples money. Mr.Spencly got coffee. I just drank some of his. We went up to the "Special Secret Place" down on Long Lake. I dont understand how its so Special or Secret when there is a public access sign. Ha. Colin and Jenni cant swim. there was a tree there. It had a rope attached to the branch. and pieces of wood up the trunk. Colin went up. Not all the way. Up like 2 pieces of wood. Bee is afraid of heights. And Jenni. She would possibly and probably hurt herself. Or fall off of the tree into the water. Stuff Jenni would do. God I love that kid. Haha. Well. I saw some of Colins photography. Its grand. I saw Cara in some of his pictures. Its kind of freaky how she looks like me. I think she secretly hates me. Im not sure. Well eventually we decided to walk back to the school. We walked the way through the trail. Well. we didnt quite make it to t he trail. I saw my grandmas car. Ha. That scared me shitless. So we walked around. The long way. Mmhmm. After school grandmother dearest took us to Moxies. Food is good. I dont exactly remembered what i ordered. But whatever it was good. She bought me some fabric for my room. Leapord print. I think Colin will think thats pretty nifty. Yes. Sarah signed us up for Wellinton Idol. This should be intersting. Very interesting. Its on Wednesday the 24th. Puppy is my awsome friend. He was rubbing his head on mine. Dreds...Teehee. They're quite fun. I jumped on him today. A few times. Hes amusing. But hes graduating this year. *sad*. Something which I didnt know about. Colin is only in gr.10 though. So I'll still have him for 2 more years. Im single again. Person is a fucknugget. He was using me as an object. He wanted to get into my pants. Im glad we've torn apart from eachother. He ingored me. Enough of that subject. Colins got some pants for me. Im damned happy about this. They're red. And possibly plaid. They shall be neat. Hes got my christmas present. I must know what it is. . .I need to get him his Christmas present. And other peoples thems presents. Yes. Ugh. Christames is everywhere now. Seriously. Its kind of disgusting. I mean RED GREEN CANDY CANE GOODNESS! Christmas is still a month away folks. More than a month. Ugh. There is no point in Christmas anymore. Its just more like a PRESENT DAY! Christmas has no meaning to kids. Or even to adults anymore. Maybe to the religious. But no one other. Boxing day is better than Christmas anyways. because everything has got discounts on it. But seriously. Who can resist discounted anything? Especially CDS. That reminds me. I need new cds. Lots of new cds. And some books. Mmhmm. Colin is chilling with me this weekend. it shall be a fun and exciting thing. Yes. Other persons might come. Not sure whom yet. I think on Saturday I might get a bunch of people over. Tony is leaving. and I can get Nick out of the house somehow. Dad will probably want to get hammered. So...I might have the house to myself. Which would be quite fun. Yes. Well Im leaving now. I might post later tonight. Depends how exciting life gets in this house.

Advice I Should Have Taken

2004-11-16T15:25:00.000-08:00

[Music] - {This Years Girl - Elvis Costello}

I now understand what Colin was talking about. Realtionships arent all they are cracked up to be. God. I should have taken his advice and just waited. Stupid person wouldnt even really say hi to me today. This is pissing me off. I go to give him a hug, and all he says is "guh!". I hate it when the other side of the reationship is not ackowledging my presence. I have feelings too. Fuck this. I hate it when relationships like these happen. It shall be over soon. Thank god. I have a new friend. Hes quite the spiffy chap. Yes. Puppy is his name. Whenevr I walk by he calls me Mini Cara. Like all the rest of the folk. Hes superb. Very superb. I jumped on his back today. He told me to kick Jesse with the Red Boots. Ha. I did. then Jesse turns around and grabs Puppy. It was exciting. Ha. Hes nice to me. Jenni was being cool today too. When isnt that kid cool? Danny, the kid who just randomly yells stuff out. Hes gotta mental disorder. Anyways. He likes Jenni. ALOT! Colin and Puppy think she should go out with him. She doesnt like the idea. Besides shes non-single anyways. Mmhmm. I need to start making money. For Christmas presents and all. Id put a list of stuff Im getting for people. But Im not. Because in the end they shall probably end up reading this. I think Colins leaving for the holidays. To see his mom down in Arizona. Its shall be non-fun-ish without him. Hes got band practice soon-ish. Jamming is great. He didnt ask me to come along this time. I dont know why. Maybe its becasue I think AJ is cool. Or maybe hes getting annoyed. I hope he isnt. I am yet to befriend more people. Im sure it will happen. Jenni and I are planning on making fools of ourselves and signing up for Wellington Idol. It shall be stupendous. Colin wants em to sng I Want Candy . Which isnt a bad choice. I think i might sing that. Im still not sure yet. Jennis got more than one song in mind for me. Ha. This shall be interesting to watch. Were gona have to have someone to tape it for us. It will be grand. Wow. Its windy outside. Cold too. I hate being cold. . . I have no longer anything to talk about...

Persons

2004-11-15T17:59:00.001-08:00

[Music] - {Jennifer - The Blood Brothers}

The opposite sex is quite an interesting person. They want something and they will do anything to get it. Lonesome is no longer a problem though. I think someone has found me rather than me finding him. Hes a nice boy. Im not sure if you would call him good though. The atrraction is nice. Hes average looking.. I dont like the insanly acttractive. Theyre to high on themselves . Hes got nice nipple though...god do I ever love nipples. What a cool word...Nipples...yes...makes me chuckle. Hes got dreds. Dreds are fun. He came over today. We were in my room. Stuff happened. Nothing really kinky. *shrugs* . Lips and Nipples were involved. It was fun. It could have been better. Colin didn't die. IM SO HAPPY! I got my hoodie back. It smelt like cologne. It actually smelled very good. Im not sure what he would say about my new realationship. He'll either be YES or NO. He will be the judge. For I trust him the most at the moment. I met the older me today. She looked creeped out. I said hi and waved my hand. I wanted her to say hi back. She didnt. Shes seems like a neat person from what ive been told. Persons say shes an awsome person. I must converse with her.I want to know her. According to friends im her miniature version. Which makes me feel cool. I must admit. Everywhere I walk people point and go "ITS MINI CARA!". All I say is hi. I try to be nice. Most of these people look interesting. I want to know more interesting people. Because most other people are all the same. Most intersting people are older than me. Another reason why Mr.Spencly is so important to me. He older than me. Another thing that makes me feel oh so cool. Hes got pretty hair. And hes really nice to me. Hes my favourite. I know whom else i want to be friends with. Im just not sure how. It will possibly eventually may happen. I hope it does. I think I might skip C block tomorrow. Im not sure yet. But I wanna go get coffee in the morning. Maybe at Starbucks. Depends how much money I feel like spending. Ill see if people wants to come. I like coffee. Coffee is grand. So is music. I *heart* music. It makes me feel better. I think Im going more wannabe with every second. Its kind of creeping me out. I dunno. I must ask Jenni-Lynns mom to make me a hat. I love her hat. Im thinking Im gona wear it tomorrow. Wow. I go from one thing to anothre really fast. I dont think my realtionship with someone will last. I've wanted a realtionship for so long. Now that Im possibly in one, It might not last. Im not so sure yet. I dont think I like this person enough though. Enough to have a stronge relationship. I dont feel wanting whenever Im not around him. I dont think about him constantly. I dont know if this is what I want. If Colin apporoves Ill let it last a while. But I dont think it will. Im not sure. People are twisted. They can make you feel thing you dont want to feel. They can make you say things you dont want to say. They can make you do things you dont want to do. they can make you love people whim you dont want to love. I can do none of these. But somehow I let it get done to myself. How. I do not know. Sometimes people disgust me. So do sports. Probably only because I cant play sports worth shit. The only ones worth watching are Football or Hockey. Anything where people get hurt. I barely watch these sports on my television. The other folk in my house do though. If people I know have games. Id probably go to those. Because of the gathering. Yes the gathering of friends. Even if most of these friends are small-ish. I like my bigger friend better. Them listens to good music. Them has a band. I wish I was cool enough to have a band. Thats what i need a band. I dont know what Id do in the band. Id want to either play guitar or sing. But its really not up to myself. Hmm. I think I shall leave now. I have no more I insignificant rambelings left. So for now I am gone.

Dead...Possibly...

2004-11-14T20:35:00.000-08:00

Im freaking out. . .I havn't talked to Mr.Spencly since yesterday afternoon. Im flipping, because he'd usually be talking to me right about now. But he isnt. I think he died. . .Im not fucking joking. This is seioursly freaking me out. Im worry-ing about him. Yes, worry-ing very much. I hate when things like this happen. When your stomache flips and you dont know what to do. Arg. . . I hope hes at school tomorrow, if hes not, I think im gona cry. Seriously gona cry. Because i dont know where he is or where he could be. *sigh*.... I shall be leaving now.

Kicking Rats

2004-11-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

Small and insignificant. Thats how i feel sometimes. People are intersting. No, most of them arent. I hate feeling like this. There is no one to talk to. It has saddend me. Muchly so. Yes, muchly so. Im worry-ing about person. Myself mostly, am I getting annoying? I must talk to someone. I feel like killing something, you know that feeling? That one where you want to continuously stab something until there is nothing left of it...Thats what I want to do. Hmm...Lonesome. I think...Yes, that would be my emotion as of this moment. Yes...Lonesome, indeed that would be it. I must cure this curse. If youd call it a curse. Id more call it non-effort to find someone who understands me. I must find someone for me. Colin is telling me to be patient. I love him, hes is my best friend. I must speak with him tomorrow, tell him whats on my mind. He helps me. He listens to me. Ms.Bateman thinks I like him, in a boyfriend way. I dont, and how could I, besides if i did . . .It would tear me apart inside. Its happened before. Stupid folk. Besides I think I like someone anyways.Whom it is. . . I shall not tell. . .Yet. . . Tony is flipping out. God that child is a rat. Hes like Satan in a 6 year olds body. You just constantly yell at him and all he does is not listen. I want to kick that kid off of a roof. That would be somthing to see.