Friday night was amazing. Music was orgasmic; people were hilarious, over all it was an amazing night.
Saturday night was alright. I cried.
Sunday, I was with Brynn. He helps me.
Everything is going wrong. My whole family is broken, everyone. Anyone that’s important to me is basically dying. I don’t know what I'm going to do. I’m struggling; so many things are fucking up. My grandpa, one of the most AMAZING men in the world, is dying. He suffered a brain aneurysm in the summer of 2002; we thought we had almost lost him. We didn’t. Although they couldn’t get the whole thing out of his brain. Recently, he hasn’t been doing well. Word slurred, walking into walls, bad temper. I love that man so much. I was his first grandchild, if he dies, I don’t know what will happen to me. I’ve already lost my grandma, from the other side. She was a phenomenal woman. I’m surprised I took that as calmly as I did at the time. Now even the thought of her makes me cry. Back to the other side of the family: If grandpa dies, my grandma will seriously have a heart attack. Her husband of like, 40-ish years. Someone who she has shared basically her entire life with will die. She won’t know what to do. The winds and snow have recently fucked them over, a willow fell on the power lines and when they tried to put the power back on, all appliances blew up. I have nothing I can do to help them, for I have no money what so ever. All I can give them is my love, but to me that’s not enough. They deserve to have more money than they do. Other things. My moms come down. We had a talk last night. She was saying how she tells everyone how much I mean to her. She told me how much she missed my dad, how much she wished she never did any of the shit she got into. The drugs, the alcohol, the hells angels, everything, she told me she was sorry. Sorry for having to let me be the mother figure to 2 young boys. My bother and my half brother (Tony). My mom has actually become a mother, and I have recently gained respect for her. Looked at her from a different perspective. She’s come back to reality. She’s a person. I’ve been waiting for that talk for 6 years. I’m feeling a lot better, about that anyways. I’m so amazed at how many wonderful people I know. Everyone I can talk to. I NEED to talk to people. I’m so emotionally shut down. I’ve been crying for the last 5 hours straight. I’m worried about people. Mostly my grandpa. I need AJ. I needed him last night. I needed a person that would hold me tight against him, and just talked to me. I needed him. I still need him. I also need to talk to Jenni-Lynn. I’m telling her everything tomorrow, while we skip first blocks. I cant be around people. I KNOW that I’ll start crying, and that I’ll get sympathy from a shit load of people. I HATE sympathy from people other than people who are REALLY important to me. I’m glad those people are there. AJ, Jenni, Caitlyn, Kelsey, Rayce, Brynn. I love them. I can talk to them, they’ll listen. And I need them the most right now. Or else Ill be a hermit and lock myself in my room and not come out for 6 months. And finally when I do, you’ll probably find this 14-year-old girl, with tangled long hair, pale as a ghost with ribs poking through her skin. She will be mal-nutrition, and have scars all over her body. She’ll not know anything, but how to cry.
”Hello, my name is Khrystyne, care to die today?”
* love *
you know someone loves you when they say things like this.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
If you had the deadliess most contagous virus in the world.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
i still wouldn't leave your side.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
kinda like a puppy.
or.
Yochanan " In the glitter in the dark, sunk into velvet. Praying this, will never end. " says:
*Stands in B* Jenni yells: "KHRYSTYNE MAY MOVE I'M AGAINST IT EVERYONE WHO AGREES SIGN THE POTITION"
HOW I FUCKING LOVE YOU, JENNI-LYNN GREENAWAY. I'D DIE FOR YOU, IF NEEDED....
There is still more to say, but I cant. I’ve cried enough for a million people.
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